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The Teen Popularity Handbook cover If you like our website content, you’ll love this book!

It is the only book of its kind. It is the handbook of how to be a popular teen, teaching you how to develop the skills to be successful in high school and beyond. Every teen, parent, grandparent, etc, needs this book.

Order The Teen Popularity Handbook Today

From the back of the book:

Any teen can become popular!

When you’re popular, life is exciting. Popular people are surrounded by close friends, fans, and secret admirers. They have the skills to form meaningful romantic relationships and rarely get bullied, because they have the confidence to stand up for themselves and others.

Wouldn’t it feel great to give a class presentation without anxiety? To have the confidence and right words to ask that special someone to the dance? Or to be able to read your crush’s body language to know what he or she really thinks about you?

How would your life change if you replaced your feelings of loneliness, awkwardness, and frustration with happiness and self-confidence?

But…Can you be popular? Yes! Popular teens think and act in ways that make them loved and admired. This book reveals these scientifically-backed “popularity secrets” and makes learning and applying them in your life fun and easy.

Don’t worry, The Teen Popularity Handbook isn’t going to turn you into a bully or “mean girl,” but a confident, fun, and well-liked teen everyone wants to get to know. Also, since studies show that popular high-schoolers earn more money later in life than unpopular teens, the benefits of being popular never end. So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to start your exciting transformation into a popular teen right now!

280 pages. 

Order today in paperback and Kindle!

There Are No Bad Kids

bullied boy

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Back when I was a full time teacher, there was often talk in the teacher’s lounge about the “bad kids.” Almost always it was one teacher warning another about a kid to look out for. Of course they would preface it with not prejudging, but the judgment was obvious. And, once a kid got a reputation, it never really left. My first year of teaching, I bought into the rumors and prejudices about kids that I heard from their other teachers.

However, as I grew as a teacher and learned the value of social skills I stopped viewing these kids who acted out as “bad” and instead looked for ways to actually talk to them and relate to them. A lot of the kids who acted out for other teachers actually liked me and gave me some of their best work.

A lot of parents might be frustrated because they think they have bad kids. Maybe their kids are acting out or causing issues at school. However, labeling a child as “bad” has never accomplished anything. If a parent, teacher, or other adult considers a kid “bad” it’s all over in terms of behavior change.

Kids can be challenging. They can be frustrating. But, they can also be helped and changed. In my case, a lot of the so-called bad kids started behaving when I simply reached out to them and listened to them. It’s amazing how young people want to give you their best when they think you actually, gasp, like them!

In addition, the “bad” kids liked my teaching style. I recognized that being “good” isn’t defined as sitting still and learning exactly like everyone else. I tried to engage these kids in ways that would challenge them and get them interested. This meant incorporating things they actually liked (physical activity, humor, etc.) rather than what they didn’t (usually the very concept of school).

So, there are no bad kids. If you’re a parent or teacher or other authority figure, resist the urge to label or write off a child. Instead find ways to relate to and reach out to the kid. You’d be amazed at how far that can go in bringing out the good in just about every young person.

If you know someone who could use to read this article (maybe a fellow parent whose child is struggling at school), please share it.

Three Ways Shyness Creates Problems At School

girl hiding behind book

Image courtesy of stock images at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Shyness is a part of life for many children and teens. And while studies on shyness show that it’s not totally detrimental to success in school or later in life, it’s generally recognized that shyer people have a more difficult time due to social anxiety and other drawbacks that come from being more closed in a world that is increasingly open. As a former teacher, I can say for sure that shyness can, in some ways, hinder a child’s success. Here are three ways shyness creates problems at school.

Public Speaking

Although I labelled it public speaking, what I really mean is that virtually every class or activity has a component that involves acting in front of others. It could be giving a speech to classmates, doing a math problem at the board, or shooting basketball foul shots in front of a crowd.

These tasks aren’t always easy for even extroverted children. For kids with extreme shyness these activities in front of their peers can be horrible, anxiety inducing events. And, the lack of poise and confidence can lead to lower grades and less success in these activities.

Social Adjustment

School isn’t just about studying and grades and academic performance. It requires a lot of social adjustment and adaptation. All of this is crucial for the real world too where knowing a skill is valuable, but social skills matter, as well (think business as an example).

A child who is shy has more trouble making friends, interacting with teachers, and functioning in an already high stress environment. And, wanting friends, dates, and good relationships is a deep human need. You might be happy if your kid brings home good grades. But your child likely has more stress and anxiety associated with the lack of a social life.

Bullying

Shyer kids tend to be the victims of bullying more often than outgoing children. It’s likely because shy youth internalize their feelings more. They’re less likely to stand up to the bully or tell anyone else about it. Plus since shy kids are sometimes perceived as “different” they earn the attention of bullies who look for different children to pick on.

This might be the biggest problem for shy kids at school because being bullied can lead to lower grades, self-harm, and other negative health consequences.

A Solution

While these problems might seem bad, if you have a child who is shy that doesn’t mean he or she will experience any of these issues. However, helping your child become more outgoing and come out of his or her shell will provide many social advantages. Our book, The Teen Popularity Handbook: Make Friends, Get Dates, Become Bully-Proof does just that. We offer tips to create a happier, more outgoing and confident child who can avoid the issues that can occur with shy teens and children.

Guys: Just Stop Declaring Your Love

People naturally connect a variety of ways.  All human-to-human connections (friendship and romantic) involve getting to know somebody. This can happen in person and even over the Internet.

As a teacher, students talk to me a lot about their lives, including their romantic lives. At the end of a school year (and other times even), guys think it is the right time to send girls long messages declaring the great love they have felt for them the entire year. Either that or they awkwardly work up the courage to do it in person.

Even if they don’t use the “love” word, guys will message some girl about how perfect and beautiful she is, how they have liked her from afar all year, and so forth.

I have yet to see this tactic work. Let me explain why this is a bad idea for four reasons.

It is Artificial

Attraction has to happen naturally. People start dating based on organic attraction and rapport building. Watching a girl from afar and suddenly dumping an emotional essay onto her isn’t even close to how attraction actually works. The guys that get a lot of dates and relationships don’t do things that way.

It Doesn’t Understand The Way Women Fall In Love

Love declarations can be awkward for girls because they fall in love differently. Guys can fall in love from afar. Being highly visual, guys base a lot of interest on physical attraction. Because of the “Halo Effect” (science shows when someone is attractive we assume they have other good qualities), guys see a pretty girl and just assume she has the qualities he wants in a girl. So, in his mind, he has practically entered a relationship with a pretty girl before he has even said “hello.”

Girls don’t work that way. They tend to base attraction more on a guy’s personality. So, they have to know a guy better before they are truly attracted. When a guy she barely knows suddenly declares his crazy love for her, she is shocked (“How can he love me and say I’m perfect…he doesn’t even know me??”).

cringe-pic

It Shows Insecurity

While a guy may think he is showing confidence by sending his lengthy love declaration, women perceive it as insecurity. If a guy has seen a woman hundreds of times at school, or interacted with her as a friend, then why did he wait so flipping long to express his romantic interest? A confident guy wouldn’t have waited forever to make that move. Even if a guy tells her face-to-face, the same principle applies. First, he is likely very nervous when he is saying it, which shows insecurity. Second, even if he developed the guts to finally say his piece, why is he waiting until the last minute?

It Isn’t Smooth

Women like guys that have some charm . A socially skilled guy isn’t going to send a girl a long text declaring how perfect she is and how he loved her from afar or whatever else he dumps on her. He’ll be funny, charming, and mysterious. He’ll make a girl want more of him. A long letter that leaves no mystery just isn’t very fun and exciting. Dating is a game. Smart guys know how to play it.

So, to all the guys reading this, be more smooth and charming. Just stop suddenly declaring your love to random women or even those you have been friends with for a while. Instead, take the relationship in a romantic direction and let it happen naturally…then you can declare your love.

Back To School Checklist

school hallwayThis is the time of year when parents and students get out their back to school list of school supplies or summer assignments. However, there is a different kind of back to school checklist that teens and their parents should also be concerned with. This is the checklist of social skills your kids should develop for the upcoming year.

Basic Manners

We don’t really teach manners as a part of our lessons. However, at school as in most places, having manners really is advantageous. It’s not because of some ideological standard. Good manners really do help teens get farther. Saying please and thank you and excuse me, especially to adults, can go a long way in winning them over. This is especially true of teachers.

So, if a teen lacks basic manners or has gotten out of the habit of using them, get back in the habit! And, if you’re a parent, then be sure to model that behavior.

Rapport Building

Schools are tough places. Teens have to please a lot of people, many of which have very different goals and agendas (e.g. pleasing a teacher vs. a peer). However, one way a teen can win over other people is to build rapport with them. This is simply getting to know someone. The easiest way? Talk to them and ask them questions.

This is especially effective with teachers. They are human too and most teens forget that. Teachers like football, shopping, and other topics that kids also find interesting. They need to talk to them about topics of interest and establish a real relationship and communication.

Practice rapport building with your kids. Ask them about their lives and tell them about yours. You both will likely even learn something!

Confidence

Lots of kids go back to school scared to death. And, for good reason. School is intimidating, both socially and academically. It’s important that your kids have high self-esteem. This is much easier said than done, of course. But, you can help your kids develop confidence by giving them things to be confident about.

Teach them skills and give them activities they can excel at. True confidence comes from being excellent at something. While it might not be possible to do this with a few days left, start encouraging your kids to get involved in activities and sports. Don’t force them to follow your dreams. But, guide them into excellent things they love.

So, while you’re getting supplies and doing all the last minute things like shopping, don’t forget about the social skills your kids need too. They’ll help the year go much more smoothly.

Never Give Up

abraham lincolnI remember as a teenager having moments when I felt like things were always going wrong. There were days especially when it felt like everything came crashing down all at once. There were always temptations to throw in the towel and give up pursuing my dreams. However, I’m glad I didn’t.

Lots of teens get depressed, anxious, angry, frustrated due to their life circumstances. Sometimes they resort to extreme measures like cutting, other self-harm, or suicide. However, as bad as it can seem at times, it will get better. Our advice to teens is always: never give up.

Everyone experiences failures and setbacks. Sometimes people experience a lot of them before finding the happiness and success they want. Many famous musicians, actors, athletes, and other figures experiences rejection after rejection and setback after setback before making it big. However, they resisted the urge to give up. Imagine if they’d given up right before their breakthrough!

So, never give up on your dreams or your goals even when it seems like things are at a low point. Seek help from others if you’re having mental health problems and continue to fight for what you love and want out of life.

The photo is of Abraham Lincoln, regarded as one of the greatest presidents of the USA. He lost several elections before winning the highest office. He didn’t give up.

Our New Mailing List And Free E-Book

We’ve been very busy lately here at the Popular Teen. As a feature for parents we are offering a new mailing list called “Your Successful Kid.” Now you can benefit from our advice about how to help your child become more popular, outgoing, sociable, and generally more successful on a daily basis via email. You can also get our free ebook called “Four Secrets to Raising Outgoing And Popular Kids.” Go here to sign up and download.