This post is mostly for the guys, and will tell you how to ask a girl out to homecoming. When I was a high school teacher, I would constantly see the anxiety and worry that this supposedly fun season was causing for many guys. The cause of the anxiety is pretty simple: guys are worrying about whom to ask and how to do it.
The result is a lot of “Rube Goldberg” behavior. Who is he?
Goldberg was known for inventing complex machines to do simple tasks. An example would be a machine with elaborate pulleys that uses a 10-step process to open a letter, something a person can do very simply in a matter of seconds.
Many guys make an objectively simple process like asking a girl to a dance into something that is needlessly complex and worrying. In fact even the thought of asking a girl to the homecoming dance might be making you nauseous right now!
As a high school senior, I worked up a lot of nerve to ask Niki to homecoming. I worried about when I would do it, what I would say, and what others might say because she was a freshman. I “almost” asked her about twenty times, but chickened out right beforehand. In the end, my friend Kevin asked her out for me. She did say “yes,” but because I was so indirect and insecure about it, she pretty much friend-zoned me. We did have some fun at the dance, but nothing romantic ever came from it. If anything, she probably liked Kevin since he had the guts to do what I couldn’t.
Most girls are just waiting to be asked out, but guys make this process harder. It is hard to convince guys that asking a girl to a dance is not a big deal. And trust me guys, it is no big deal.
The simplest way to ask a girl to a dance, date, etc, is to…shock…just ask her. Below are a few ideas to make that process easier and more effective.
First, make sure that you know the girl at least a little bit and make sure you make a good impression on her while getting to know her. So , don’t randomly ask a girl out you barely know, or have seen occasionally. That is creepy, and even though you may have stared at her from afar for weeks, she may have no idea who you are.
Get to know her at least a little. Say “hi” in the hallway. Make some conversation in class. Flirt with her on a few occasions before you ask her out, to help her see that she views you as “that cool guy I’d like to date” versus “that awkward guy who stares at me in chemistry class” or “that guy I view as a brother.”
To be the type of guy (or girl) that is viewed as “that cool guy” have a look around this site, and check out our book The Teen Popularity Handbook: Make Friends, Get Dates, and Become Bully-Proof.
Second, when you do ask her, be casual and relaxed. You will come across as extremely confident (which is the number one trait women look for in guys they want to date) if you just ask her and don’t care about the outcome. In my business, this is called outcome independence, which means you do what you need to do without getting worked up about the outcome. Women love guys who act this way, so try to show her that you are doing her a favor by asking.
Third, whatever you do, don’t make a big deal about it, unless you know she is into you. If you know she has a big crush on you, or you are dating her, then definitely make her feel great when you ask her. Go romantic. Make it public. Make her feel good. She already has a high opinion of you, so she wants your romantic attention and sweetness.
However, if you are just a “buddy,” or don’t know her well (or at all), definitely do not give her flowers or other gifts when you ask. And definitely don’t make it seem at all like it is some huge gesture. Yes, the trend is to make a big deal about it, with videos, posters at sporting events, big signs in lockers, or burning her name into a field (just kidding, I made up that last one…you want a date, not an arrest record).
However, unless you know she likes you, things like this can be super awkward. Trust me, from a girl’s perspective those will just make her uncomfortable if she views you as a buddy or a random guy from class.
Fourth, I suggest avoiding asking over text. Definitely don’t ask her over text out of the blue (I address this type of texting in the article Guys: Stop Declaring Your Love (Especially Over Text), but even if you know her pretty well, ask in person. Again, that shows your confidence and increases your odds of a “yes.”
So, after building a connection before you ask, just ask her and be confident about it. While it is okay to allow a friend to introduce you, I suggest not having a friend ask for you. I made that mistake with Niki. It shows you have low confidence and will immediately make you look bad.
The minute you realize asking her out isn’t a big deal is when she’ll start saying “yes.”
Good luck and have a great homecoming 2017! We have a few more homecoming articles that are collected under The Homecoming Survival Guide. Check it out!