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In our newest video, we explain to girls how to get a guy to ask you out. It’s not luck why some girls get asked out a lot and others don’t. See how you can get boys to ask you on dates.
Everyone has been there at some point as a teen. You have a good friend or friends. That person gets a boyfriend or girlfriend and starts spending a lot of time with them. Then, next thing you know, you see your former friend once or twice a month. And, it’s not fun at all.
I had a friend in high school who fit this pattern. He would hang out with me a lot when he was single. Then, we got a girlfriend, I’d never see him. Until, he was single again, of course.
I don’t fault him for doing this. However, it’s not a really healthy pattern. Most normal relationships don’t involve being around the other person all the time. It usually means that you’ll end up getting tired of the other person quickly. In addition, it’s easy to miss out on people’s faults and problems when you aren’t around anyone else.
The best way to handle a friendship when you start dating is to balance friendship and dating. It might seem hard since you want to be around your crush all the time. But, remember you’ve likely known your friends for a long time and they’ve probably been there for you. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is new and exciting, but you can’t forget those who’ve been there for you.
One thing you might want to do is to schedule time for your friends. Perhaps on a weekend, you can spend one night with your friends and another with your date. Or you can find creative ways to do things together, like double dating or events with a group of friends. This way you’re being fair to your friends and your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Because there is one thing I can tell you as an adult: boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. But, your friends, especially the close ones, will be with you for a long, long time. Don’t let a temporary crush or love get in the way of that.
You are likely meeting people that you have a crush on. You feel very strong attraction to this person. And, in some cases, they might be feeling it back. Assuming that the two of you get together, you’ll be in a relationship. The temptation will be to fall in love. After all, that’s what happens when you meet someone you find attractive, right? The songs and movies tell us that.
When it comes to love, I’m going to add a little reasonable discussion to what is usually a very irrational topic. Love is an emotional feeling. It’s often beyond our control. However, when it comes to love, wait, even if it’s just a little bit.
What I mean is that when you meet someone and you feel the connection, resist the urge to instantly fall in love. You can use your brain to hold back on those feelings at least a little. Falling in love gives your brain a chemical bath. Dopamine rises and serotonin goes down. The dopamine makes us feel good, which is why people like being in love.
But, those chemicals can also do crazy things to us. Studies show that being “in love” with a person makes us overlook his or her faults (even abuse). The chemical swirl makes us do stupid things we wouldn’t normally do. People with “in love” brain chemistry have serotonin levels as low as those with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. This is why you can’t get that special someone out of your head, and seem obsessed with seeing them. And, these chemicals of attraction make breaking up absolutely horrible.
That’s why, when it comes to love, wait a little bit. Get to know the person and his or her true colors. Give of yourself slowly and over a period of time. Don’t let yourself instantly fall in love just because the person is cute and seems cool. Your brain is literally tricking you and coloring your perceptions.
Because once you fall in love, it’s hard to make sound decisions about the person. And, when the breakup occurs, it’ll be awful. Your heart will be like the image to the left. Except that it won’t be nearly as tasty.
We talked about how no woman is worth the misery last week. Also, no woman (or man) is worth ruining your reputation on Facebook or other social media by turning into a giant whiner. This is especially true if you’re a man.
Guys have feelings just like everyone else. Sometimes we feel depressed and anxious and maybe even a little self-pity (or for some dudes, a l0t). However, in your public life you shouldn’t let these feelings be expressed. Right or wrong, it’s considered low value and pathetic.
This is especially the case with women. If they’re already attracted to you, then you can share your emotions with them (to an extent). But, if you’re not, then women almost always want to pity you when you get down and express it. They’ll give you attention, but what types of people do they pity? Friends and weaker people. They don’t usually want to date those groups.
So, this post is primarily for guys. Don’t be whiny and seek self-pity on your social media or in real life. Being mopey may feel good to you (it shouldn’t, but this is another issue), but it’s not going to solve your problems. In fact, if your problem is a lack of a girlfriend or friends, then it’ll likely make your problems worse.
You shouldn’t suffer in silence and everyone needs to vent. But, do it to a professional who keeps confidentiality (like your school guidance counselor). Or, do it with your family members or long term friends. They will accept it and help you without being creeped out or losing respect for you. But, don’t be “that guy” who is constantly complaining.
So, guys, watch the whining. It’s not attractive, it’s not getting you dates, and it’s only making people feel sorry for you. Find your outlets for your emotions, but keep your public image confident, attractive, and high value.