The only seat open was next to her, so I sat there, while she played around on a graphics editing program. She was giggling at all my comments, and seemed excited to talk to me. As the class period ended, she printed out her drawing and gave it to me as the bell rang and we both left. I considered that a good sign she was into me!
I knew her sister, so I immediately had a connection with Brooke. So, we hung out a few times, and both hit it off. I still nervously wondered how to ask her to date me. I had girlfriends in the past, and asking them out was a nerve-wracking and awkward affair. Asking Brooke out was no different! If you’re wondering how to ask a girl to date you (be your girlfriend), here’s a guide.
Get To Know Her Well First (But Don’t Wait Forever)
A girl may have a crush on you, or she may barely know you. Either way, you want to get to know her some before you suddenly ask her to date you. Asking too soon can scare a lot of girls away, and come across as very needy. Women don’t like needy guys.
That being said, you also can’t wait too long, because there could be other guys competing for her attention. Generally, I would wait a few weeks to ask a girl out, if everything is going well, which means you’ve gone on a few dates or hung out a few times, and you notice some chemistry. If she’s flirting with you, touching you, holding your hand, texting you constantly, having long conversations, etc., then why wait? She probably wants you to ask her out.
If things aren’t as clear, such as you don’t know how she feels, she’s more shy, etc., then you may need to get to know her better before asking such an important question.
But…Don’t Be Her Buddy
A lot of guys wait forever to “get to know” a girl, but forget the part that they want to date her. Instead, they get to know her as a buddy. They talk about the weather, how school is going, and other intellectual topics.
The problem is that while you’re getting to know her in the most boring and non-romantic way possible, she’s slowly viewing you as “just a friend.”
So, keep her excited. Keep her attracted to you. Make sure as you’re getting to know her, she’s becoming more interested in you romantically. So, hold her hand, make her laugh, and flirt with her.
Do NOT Ask Her Out Over Text or Social Media
So, let’s get this out of the way. Don’t ask her out any way that isn’t in person. Don’t text it. Don’t snap it. Don’t do it on an anonymous app like Whisper and hope she sees it. Asking in person shows you are confident, a trait women love. You lose this when you ask her out over text. Also, women value the little things you do to show you care. Asking in person, face-to-face, shows you value her feelings enough to put in effort. And, it shows you aren’t a wimp.
Ask Her Out (But Make It Casual)
Brooke was really into me. It was obvious. She was waiting for me to ask her out, like “will you do this already??” level waiting. But, I made a huge deal out of it. I got nervous, thought of a script, and even went to list out reasons, as if I was ready for a class debate!
The truth is I should have just asked, and been casual about it. If you make it a big, nervous deal, then you’ll just come across as weird and awkward. Instead, just say something like this.
“Hey Brooke. I really like you, and I think you like me too, so let’s make it official. What do you think?”
This may go against the advice you’ve been given about making a big deal out of it. However, let me tell you, the “big deal” is that you are with someone you like. This brings me to…
Don’t Give Her a Gift (Except You!)
Some advice sites suggest you give her a gift. I disagree with this. You are the gift. Your relationship is the gift. Asking with a gift seems like presenting a bribe, and it puts a lot of pressure on the girl to say “yes” even if she wants to say “no.” If she says “yes,” you can get her a gift on your month anniversary after you’ve seen how the relationship develops.
And…Assume The Sale
This gives you a confident and relaxed mindset that will make it more likely for you to get a “yes.”
You’ll notice how I phrased it earlier when I gave you a suggested way to ask a girl out. Notice I didn’t say, “will you go out with me?” or “do you like me?” I just assumed that she did like me. Then, I asked if she agreed. This shows a level of confidence and non-neediness that girls love! They love to date and be girlfriends to confident guys. Trust me on this.
If She Says No…
And, if she does say “no?” With these tips, you’re less likely to get a “no,” but it does sometimes happen.
Yes, it will suck for a minute, or maybe even a few days. If you really liked her, maybe longer. But, you’ll soon find there are other girls out there, many prettier and nicer than the girl who said no.
If she says “no,” here’s what you say.
“I respect your honesty, and hope we can stay friends. I’m the type who’d rather ask and get a ‘no’ than never ask at all.”
That is a super confident and cool response, and also shows that you’re not bothered.
I’d probably add in a joke after that, by saying something like, “wow, this is kind of awkward now…maybe we both should just both back away slowly.”
If you respond to her rejection in a way that is confident and funny (and shows you’re totally not bothered and that moving on will be easy), she may actually suddenly change her mind!