When I was in high school, I had a really hard time getting a phone number or other contact information from a girl, even when I pretty much knew that she really wanted to give it to me. I lost many great dates and relationships because I was too afraid to ask for something a girl really wanted to give me.
I wasn’t alone. For many teens (and even adults), “closing” with someone of the opposite sex can be difficult and create a lot of anxiety. Don’t let that be you. Because I promise you will regret it.
Below are specific pieces of advice for girls and guys to get that number (or Facebook, Snapchat, contact info, etc). These tips can also be applied to adults. Before you attempt to get a number, it is a good idea to build some rapport and create an emotional connection.
In other words, if you work on your general confidence, charm, and conversation skills, the whole process will go even more smoothly. Browse this site and our sister site The Popular Man for more tips on all of that.
Guys have more responsibility when it comes to creating follow-up opportunities. Despite years of feminism and “girl power,” most girls won’t outright volunteer their number. Guys, you have to do it. And, I have news for you…if you don’t do it, some other guy will. Women love confidence, and if you can’t “close,” you won’t be attracting any women anytime soon.
“You’re really cool; we should continue this conversation later. How about you give me your number?”
If the conversation is going well (i.e. she seems into you), and you have clearly have moved things in a direction away from the friend zone, then you need to get that number! Hopefully you are wowing her and she is flirting with you. If you are moving in a positive direction, this line makes it easy to follow-up. Just tell her you’d love to discuss the topic with her later.
I started this line with a “qualification.” This is a psychological trick that tells her you are interested in her for more than just her body. It is also telling her that you are cool and only hang with cool people. It works on many levels.
Also, keep it flirty. Unless she is equally nerdy, you may not want to go into the details of how some sort of theoretical Starship Enterprise works, and offer to follow up with even more sleep-inducing facts. Most of my initial conversations with women focus on observational and funny things. For example, one time I got into a discussion about why red onions are really purple. Offering to follow up about that is clearly a joke, but it works. Obviously, you can jokingly follow up about red onions, but don’t keep bringing it up, and definitely don’t actually start quoting boring facts about red onions!
“I have to go…but we should continue this later”
Most teenage guys talk way too much when talking to girls they like. By the time they are done, the girl knows every little detail about them and is bored. Smart guys know that if you want to follow up, you have to keep some mystery about yourself, making her want to know more about you at another time.
One way you do this is to exit the conversation early. It may be hard, because your brain will be telling you to stay. However, you have to resist. Let her know you have to go for a good reason (sports practice, your alternative band that sounds a lot like 21 Pilots, only better, has to practice, etc…not because your mom texted you that the cat needs brushed), but that you would love to carry on the conversation later. Just casually mention you want her number. Make it clear through your body language and tone that you are relaxed and know that giving you her number is the natural thing to do, because you are so cool.
“You know what you should do? Give me your number”
Most women I have met absolutely love it when a guy just cuts through the crap, takes a risk, and says things like this. Sure, with this bold and direct approach, you will strike out occasionally. You may strike out 2/3 of the time, but let’s think of baseball for a minute. What is huge success in baseball? Batting .333 is amazing. Keep that in mind with this line.
The most successful guys get “outs” occasionally, but they bat much higher than the guys that never step to the plate. Sure, this line is about as bold as they come. But that’s cool. Take a risk. Ask for that number. When you are bold and confident, it increases your odds she will like you anyway.
Traditionally, most girls will not ask a guy for a number directly for fear of rejection and fear of being perceived too much like a dude.
So ladies, below are tips for you. Remember, if the guy won’t “man up,” even after you make it pretty much obvious, then he isn’t a very confident guy anyway, so it’s probably best to move on. However, keep in mind guys can be very socially dense (it is a result of evolution…give us a little bit of slack), so you may have to be persistent even with good guys.
Also, make sure you keep it flirtatious, or else he may view you as a friend only. But here are some tips if you really want to give him your number.
“We should really hang out again…”
Keep saying it. Let the guy know that you want to see him again. Eventually even the most clueless guy will ask for your number, unless he is “taken” or has some deep-seated mommy issues and he has to ask her for permission first (so you don’t want his number anyway).
“This is the point where guys usually give me their number”
Guys are clueless. It’s not just a stereotype. Women evolved to pick up social cues, since they spent more time socializing in the earliest days of humanity. There wasn’t much room for socializing in the woods for the guys – potential food won’t come around when people are talking.
The above statement basically tells the guy you want his number, without being very direct. This is what is called an “embedded command.” Basically you are saying “hey idiot, I want your number!” but in a much more indirect and sly way. Either way, it works.
“Since we’re both so cool, it would be a shame if we lost touch!”
This is very non-committal, but gets the point across. It makes it pretty obvious for the guy, without outright doing the work for him. It sounds very cute, but it will get you that number, from all but the biggest passive losers.