David recently talked about the principle of detachment in his posts on boyfriends and girlfriends earlier in the week. So, I thought I’d expand on the topic a little bit.
Detachment is about not being extremely focused on or attached to an outcome. An outcome is another way of saying what you want. For example, if you want a date, that’s an outcome. Another example is making a team or getting the job you want.
A lot of the outcomes we really, really want. So, we become attached. This means we desperately want the outcome. And, as mentioned earlier, this is bad. Here’s why.
When we want something desperately, we often become desperate. And, desperate people often behave in different ways than a regular person. Desperation literally gets certain brain chemicals flowing. They aren’t the good ones either. These chemicals create anxiety. And, we’re at our most unattractive and lacking in confidence when we’re anxious.
So, let’s say you desperately want to make the football team. You go for the tryout and your anxiety is so strong that you become nervous. So, you mess up catches and workouts that you’d normally ace. On the other hand, a guy who doesn’t need to make the team can go out, be himself, and relax. And, that means he’s able to be his best.
The key to detachment is to relax and let go. Remember that there are many different outcomes and ways to get there. So, you want to go out and get a date? Well, go out and get a date. Or just go out and have fun instead. That way, if you don’t get the date, then it’s no big deal. Want to make the cheerleading squad? Go for it. But, also make it a goal to get in shape. That way if you don’t make the squad, then you can still be happy.
You’ll find that if you have multiple outcomes or aren’t attached to them desperately, you’re more likely to achieve them. After all, what girl wants to date a desperate guy out looking for a girl? No one! But, what girl wants to date a guy who can go out and have fun with the ladies? Lots!
But remember that detachment isn’t laziness. Being lazy means not pursuing any outcomes to begin with. So, set big goals, but don’t be so attached to them that you fail. Take a deep breath and enjoy life. You’d be surprised how likely you are to achieve them when you’re relaxed.