Many guys say “I need a girlfriend!” a lot (actually, they whine it) and it consumes them. If you are searching for this page, you probably really want a girlfriend badly. I am friends with people of all ages on Facebook and nothing is worse (for you – trying to get a girlfriend – or me having to read your whining) than reading about how a certain guy always needs a girlfriend. It’s not just a teen thing either. I have a 35 year old friend whose every post is about how badly he wants a girlfriend.
I confess I was like this at one point. Thankfully, social media didn’t exist back then for my whining to be preserved for future generations.
Let me ask you something. Why is it that the guys that “need” a girlfriend rarely have them, and the guys that don’t need them always seem to have girls flocking to them? Is there a connection? I think the answer is yes, and if you think you need a girlfriend, you definitely need to keep reading.
At The Popular Teen we talk a lot about detachment. It means to do something the best way you know how, but not be worried about the outcome. It is doing your best in a class, but not getting stressed about the letter grade at the end. It is carrying the football with all your speed and might, but not freaking if you don’t get ten yards every time.
People that are really good at things are detached. A great example is when my brother interviewed to be an associate professor at a local college. He already had a job and was just applying for the heck of it. However, he was competing against candidates that really wanted the job. When it came time to present before the committee, he was at his best, and he was funny and natural, but he didn’t get bothered about whether he got the job or not. His competition was stiff and boring, and visibly nervous, because they were worried about the outcome. Guess who got the job??
The same is true if you “need a girlfriend.” The guys that actually get girlfriends (and lots of them) just naturally do the things that attract women. They are cool, confident, charming, relaxed, and probably excellent at something (like sports or music). And, they probably stay cool, confident, charming, and relaxed whether a girl accepts or rejects their advances. In other words, women like them precisely because they don’t appear desperate or needy. They are detached; they are like my brother in his interview. Because they don’t worry about the outcome, and still do their best, they end up getting the girls that you can’t. Below is the “money” paragraph of this post. So read it through a few times if necessary.
Get over the mentality that you “need” a girlfriend. Imagine how great that would be to not feel desperate?? So, just enjoy the company of your friends, get involved in activities, and always be your most charming, funny, relaxed, confident, and excellent self, in all circumstances. And, when you see a romantic opportunity arise, take the risk and ask a girl out on a date. Make it all casual and not a big deal. Invite her for coffee or fast food. Heck, even have her pay some of the bill. Through the whole process, make sure you have a romantic edge (so don’t drift into the friend zone) by being flirtatious and confident, but make it clear to her (and to yourself) that you don’t “need” her approval in any way. Don’t come out and say “I don’t need you!” because that is an obvious indicator you probably do need her. As you chat casually, give her the (hopefully true) impression that you have a lot going for you, that you are busy with friends, activities, etc, so she gets the idea that you can stand on your own.
If you do what I have mentioned, and detach, you will no longer “need” a girlfriend, but you will actually have one!