When I was a teenager, I did well in school and participated in clubs and athletics. If I needed to know anything about math, science, literature, football, etc, I knew where to get answers. I was rarely frustrated in these areas. However, my single biggest drive was to get a girlfriend (thank you raging hormones!). Unfortunately, there were times I was single and lonely, and nobody had any good advice on getting out of that situation.
So, I want to list a few ways to fix your “single and lonely” problem. Below I list a few ways to stop being single if you are a guy or girl. These are basic, but they work. If you look at the guys and girls that actually are in relationships, they likely started them using these basic tips.
Any girl can pretty much get any guy any time if two conditions are met. 1. The girl isn’t very overweight (not politically correct to say, but true) 2. She knows how to flirt/”work it.” I find that this is pretty much universal. Even girls that aren’t the prettiest by popular standards can get a decent guy if they know how to flirt.
If you are very overweight, that is beyond the scope of this article. I suggest talking to your doctor about weight loss options. I know it isn’t “sensitive” to mention the overweight thing, but let’s be honest. Instead of denying reality, work on a solution. The time spent denying your weight matters could be directed toward losing a few pounds.
I say this as someone who has struggled with my weight a lot, especially in high school. I was anywhere from 15-20 pounds overweight in high school at various times. I understand the struggle. Nonetheless, I felt and looked my best when I was at a weight that was healthy for my height. Again, consult a doctor.
As for flirting, pay attention to girls that know how to flirt. Do what they do. At first it may be awkward, but keep at it. Flirting is basically playful teasing with a romantic edge. When you flirt with a guy, you are saying that you want something beyond friendship. Just because you flirt with a guy doesn’t mean you have to commit to him, even if some particularly needy guys assume that. To flirt properly, you have to speak playfully and have relaxed body language, as well as body language that suggests you are interested in the guy.
If you don’t flirt at all, or properly, you will come across as “one of the guys” and even if a guy likes you, he won’t ask you out. Why? Flirting is the way a guy subconsciously determines if you like him. Without that sign, most guys aren’t going to take the leap to ask you out. Either you will have to do all the work (by asking him out…which is fine, if you will do it), or wait for that super confident guy that will approach you even if you aren’t giving any signs of interest. This guy could be a big jerk though, so be cautious.
Also, you have to convey to a guy that you like him. Guys are very dense. Studies show guys cannot read body language very well and it sometimes takes three signals from a girl before a guy even picks up that you like him! You may think you are obviously telling a guy you like him through your “hints” but a guy may not pick them up. Add this to the fact that most younger guys are full of self-doubt (as are girls), and their brains will tell them that you really aren’t interested.
If you are single, odds are you are making a couple major mistakes: you aren’t approaching women and you don’t know how to take an interaction to the romantic level, i.e. your flirting and closing skills are very weak.
Any guy can get a date if he approaches enough women and then takes it to a romantic level. Granted this is easier said than done (since most guys have a circle of friends, and you can’t just “ask out” every single girl you know without making things very awkward).
However, let’s briefly outline these two skills.
Women value guys that actually approach them and talk to them, because women evaluate men more on a confident personality over looks. Looks do matter, but not nearly as much as they do when a guy is attracted to a girl. If you see a girl that interests you, go up and say something. Don’t be weird or instantly romantic; just show them you have the confidence to talk to them. You will meet more girls this way, and thus increase the odds of getting a date.
Second, you have to “frame” yourself as a possible romantic interest. If you approach a new girl with confidence, you have already started that process. Girls will likely put you into the “friend zone” if you come across as needy, passive, shy, or awkward. This means you have to have some romantic edge to your interaction with women. You have to flirt. For guys, flirting is best described as playful teasing with some confident comments thrown in. Many guys are afraid to flirt because it involves putting down a girl (in a joking and cute way, i.e. teasing), combined with extreme confidence. Many guys in the “friend zone” have trouble with this, and some will read this article and flip out at any hint of teasing a girl.
One great example of flirting is when my brother recently interacted with a lifeguard at a local water park. She jokingly said “I’m wearing my contacts tomorrow so I’ll get a chance to see what you really look like.” He replied “I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.” Note the confidence, as well as her playful flirting. Another example is from my own experience. A girl I know got a new hair style and was asking my opinion. I replied “I love it; my mom had a mop that looked just like it, and it brings back great memories.” She acted with “pretend outrage,” which is to say she was “mad” but only playfully. Since I am not a jerk, and women like to have their appearance validated, I did eventually say “yeah, actually I really like it.” Note the teasing and back-and-forth flirting. Sure, these interactions are edgy and even reading about them may make your anxiety kick in, but delivered playfully and confidently, to the right girl, these statements really work.
However, you have to flirt correctly. Many guys could get slapped if they made the mop comment. If your playful teasing comes across as awkward or serious, girls will hate you and you will creep them out. You have to indicate you are flirting by your tone of voice (playful) and body language (relaxed). You may have already established yourself around school as a “creeper” or weird. Be very careful flirting if this is the case, as it may come across as awkward or serious. Practice your flirting gradually.
Guys, you also have to close. This means if you are getting flirtatious signs, you have to ask them out soon enough to keep things going. Just keep it cool and relaxed by scheduling a follow-up meeting. Don’t come on too strong. Just invite her out for coffee or food and make sure she knows that you like her, but that you have options.
See, you don’t have to be totally single and lonely. People that are in relationships aren’t wizards or master manipulators; they just know how to meet and attract the right people.